Discovering me: Christianity and human sexuality

I’ve struggled to entitle this post because on one end I want to be as direct as possible but on the other, I know it seems controversial and some may judge my intention from the word go. Too long we have listened to what the world has to say about our identity in this area in particular, that if I we’re to say that God is the one who gave us our sexual desires, I’d be welcomed with awkward silences. Silent uproars because that sounds almost like heresy. Aren’t there other aspects of Christian identity to talk about? Yes, there are. But leaving this part to the world to dictate what we believe about ourselves has only left us with a torn sexual fabric as the church.

Today, just like during all other parts of this series, we enter His throne room boldly and ask Him to continue to reveal to us what He says about us in this regard. He has given us EVERYTHING we need for life and godliness. Life, including our sexuality.

And whom better to handle this than Anthony Munyi. He is a wise gentleman who takes a solemn approach to examine all areas of life. I admire his pursuit for the truth and how he shares it with literally everyone! Bold in many ways; he followed God’s voice to go to Bible school even when that would seem crazy considering he’d already graduated from university and begun pursuing a career. Bold in answering those hard questions about faith as he serves in the Apologetics Kenya team. But bold with his hair as well. I can attest that he’s probably chairman of team mandevu.(beards) 🙂 He indeed in an absolute joy to be around and I had a blast recording this podcast with him. Do have a listen!

Below is the  transcript for the podcast. I highlighted the major questions asked and points discussed. I would, however, encourage you to listen the audio for more in-depth understanding of the topic at hand. 🙂

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Hey guys! We’re actually at the end of the Discovering me series about identity and today we’re talking about Human sexuality. I’m with Anthony Munyi here whom I believe God has given the wisdom to handle this topic so I think we’ll just go right into it.

Q1: Let’s talk about human sexuality now.

There’s a comment people make that, right now, the world is highly sexualized. We’re a highly sexualized society in our modern day situation and I think human sexuality in the entire world is two things:

• Pleasure based; this means that sex and sexual experiences are associated with seeking pleasure rather than seeking purpose. It’s more of; “how can I enjoy myself? How can I get the maximum enjoyment out of this?” I think that’s why sex features on so many things on a contemporary level, the first of which is every popular magazines always have something to say about about sex. It’s ubiquitous in adverts, on TV… a major appeal of movies or series is when they have a sexual aspect to them.

• Fluid; we were talking about this earlier and I was saying how 100 years ago I think you’d have talked about the spectrum of sexuality as being between homosexual and heterosexual. Homosexuality was actually barely discussed in public or anywhere really. But when the homosexual movement begun you had LG. Then since then we have LGB, LGBTQ, LTBTQi (i for those who are wondering means none of the above). So sex is fluid and people want it to be completely undefined because of the relativistic age that we live in. No labels. Just do whatever you want and whatever makes you happy.

So I think that’s what sexuality is predominant about nowadays.

Q2: In light of that, is there a place for human sexuality for Christians?

Maybe the answer I’ve given paints sex as a very crude and ‘fleshy’ act, in the sense of
“it’s of the flesh” kind of thing. But the truth is that if you begin at the origin of sex, you realize that sex has purpose. Why I say this is because sex isn’t a human invention. Human inventions can be poor, but inventions of God are perfect and they are good. Sex is an invention of God.

Not only that but it’s also not even in the domain of humanity. It’s not limited to humans. Mammals too procreate. Sex was made before humans were made. In fact, the man was created on the 6^th day and animals on the 5^th. So it means that sex wasn’t something created FOR man. It is part of the created order of reproduction. The only difference between man and animals is that man can willfully engage in sex whereas animals depend on times and seasons.

From creation we can see that sex first of all has a place in the created order and in humanity.  A good place.  A firm place.

The second place we see it is in Genesis 2 once Adam and Eve have been separated; Eve is taken out of Adam and made from his flesh and bones. Adam says, this is the flesh of my flesh and bone of my bones. Gen 2:24 says: “Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and will be joined to his wife and the two shall become one.”

That idea that they become one(man and wife) & the idea that sex instituting the union is what makes it have a firm place as instituted by Scripture.

Q3: What does the Bible say about the right expression of sexuality?

I feel like this is a very tough thing. Actually, sexuality is a tough thing to define. We can say sexuality is sexual expression or expression of sexual feelings or sexual activity. It’s a bit broad. Someone would think that the Bible doesn’t say much about sex except forbidding it but the Bible actually has Scripture that talks about sexual expression. One of them is Colossians 1 which basically talks about the pre-eminence of Christ, which is a tough concept.

Verse 16 reads; “For by Him, all things were created that are in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through him and for him.”

So guess what? For guys who don’t think sex has a place in Christianity, we have to know that sex was not only made for man and the creation but was also made for Jesus’ glory. So sex glorifies God. It can glorify God and can achieve His purpose because when God made man He blessed them and commanded them to fill the earth and multiply. Therefore, because sex is the only way which we have been known to procreate (of course now there’s advancements), but the idea behind sex, that is reproduction, achieves God’s end. And anything that achieves God’s end glorifies God. Anything and everything.

So the question is what is God’s end for sex?

One of the ends that God has is;

i) That is be exclusively between a man and a woman- 

And that’s the second thing we can use to say sexual expression can be used to glorify God. I can glorify God sexually if I have sex with my wife. And not with anybody else. And not before I am married. And not outside my marriage. I can express my sexuality and have sexual expression which is amazing and beautiful, if I am able to keep the sexual activities and experiences within the confines of marriage and within even the limits of time.

1 Corinthians 7 has a very good notion about this where Paul was talking about the idea of even marriage itself  being a great way to keep away from sexual sin. A great way to preserve the gift of sex in the marriage itself.

We’ll read just a few verses. Vs 3-4, Paul says. “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her and likewise the wife also to her husband. The wife doesn’t have authority over her own body but the husband does. Likewise, the husband doesn’t have authority over his own body but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time that you may give yourself for fasting and prayer and come together again so that Satan doesn’t tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

ii) That it be within marriage–

Even from vs 1 and 2 Paul talks about how the man and woman, if lust overwhelms them, would rather let that need/desire to have sexual relations come within a marriage. And even for Christians who are young and are feeling like: “Oh my! How am I expected to just keep it together? Hold it together in the midst of …This person I’m dating…every time I see them, I just can’t…”

Paul says that in order to preserve yourself, be married. Marry so that one of the ends it achieves is you can actually be free and you can be within your rights to express yourself sexually.

The Word has a number of insights for people to express themselves sexually in the positive way. I know people usually think of the Bible as forbidding…negative everything…do not fornicate and do not commit adultery…and these are there. But the focus of this podcast is to look at positive sexual expression so that we can begin to see that the Word isn’t rejecting the idea of sex. It’s upholding the idea of right sex. The right time for sexual relationships.

Q4: Just picking from that, there’s Songs of Songs in the Bible which wasn’t put there by accident. Why then is this book in the Bible?

A lot of guys actually think it was put there by accident. A lot of guys wonder how this thing sticks out of the pages of the Bible like some kind of sore thumb. You’re scrolling through it…Job…Psalms…Proverbs…Close your eyes…skip skip skip…4 pages later…just continue from there. 😀

With the book the Song of Solomon, even the title (either the Song of Solomon or the Song of Songs) has meaning. One of the reasons it’s called the Songs of Songs , for the  people who wonder about the title, is just like how you say a man of men. Or the artist of artists. Or the king of kings. So, when you have the Song of Songs, it’s actually a prized song. The book is poetry and it’s a song sung by Jews. There’s a portion of text here from some notes I have which read just shortly;

The Jews esteemed the Song of Solomon, the holiest of books, likening it to the holy of holies. It was first among the megilloth or rolls and was read in the synagogue at the eighth day of the Feast of Unleavened Bread.  It is said to have been reserved for the reading of those who were 30 years and over only.

So two things we learn:

1. It is a prized book.
2. It is age defined; It’s age appropriate to those 30 and above, which usually assumes married people, especially in the Jewish community, as it was expected you’d have your own family.

So what is Songs of Solomon doing in the Bible? It’s upholding the love between a man and his wife; which is completely right. In fact it is vindicating it, upholding it and it is establishing it as a good thing within the kingdom of God. And the Israelites and Jews knew this. They had a firm awareness that a man and his wife had the full right to express themselves physically.

I mean, first of all, the book isn’t all sex. It’s quite graphic and expressive in the sexual sense, but you find that the book is about a man and his wife. They are the two main cast members with a group of women/witnesses (maybe those witnessing their marriage) who are present and are approving of everything that the couple is are doing. The woman is telling her friends about this man. And the man is telling his friends about this woman. A great story of love. And that’s what is above the sex. It’s a love story.

It basically shows that sex is just a part of this whole love. It’s a wholistic love between man and woman (husband and wife). That’s why we come back to Paul and he says, don’t deny one another. Because a man’s body belongs to his wife and a woman’s body belongs to her husband. So that he shouldn’t be endowed.

And Song of Songs proves this by illustrating the feelings the man and his wife have for one another. You’ll see that there’s a spiritual connection between them in the verses. They’ll also express mental and emotional attraction to one another. How the lady heart feels and how the man feels when they see one another… and lastly also, a physical attraction. This just shows the wholistic view of love in marriage; spiritual, mental, emotional and sexual. And sex is  just a part and parcel of that. It crowns all of these connections because all 4 connections begin in the mind and body of the person. And even for Christians today, you’ll notice the first three (spiritual, mental, emotional) are available for all Christians who are unmarried but the 4^th one (physical) is available  when you’re married. It crowns and consummates. But it is not the thing that’s at the center.

Physical attraction cannot be the thing that establishes the union. As of now, a lot of Christian unions are faltering& divorcing because of improper or misplaced sexual expression. It begins with  a person being attracted to another person at a physical level and then their relationship is established by physical attraction; and not spiritual/mental/emotional attraction. So you’re Christian but essentially your relationship is worldly because it shows no difference with the world. When Paul talked about us removing ourselves from these patterns he said we shouldn’t be partakers with the people who are not of God’s fold.

I think the marks of sex in the world today are …you just do whatever….and so Christians will often think of themselves as doing something that’s better than what the world is doing. “We love one another….We’ve fallen into sex but you know I’ll marry this guy…We’ve already had the Ruracio(traditional wedding) so we’re kind of married already.” They’ll justify themselves because they’ll look at the world where sex is wherever you want. So we may think at least we’re better and we’re justified that way.

Q5: Lastly, how should the church then address human sexuality?

That’s a good question. Basically to say, how do we apply all that we’ve talked about? Well, first of all I’d like to always repeat that the church is everyone. A lot of guys listening may think that when we say the church, it’s the pastors or deacons. No, it is you, the listener. If you are a believer, then you are the church and the church starts with you. Actually it starts through Christ and you’re part and parcel of it.

The church spends a lot of time focusing on the negatives of sexuality portions of scripture concerning sex. That’s not bad. We need to focus on correcting people and creating holy and righteous living. A part of that includes condemning or rebuking what the Bible says is wrong. We have a big problem with sex in the church so it’s not a misplaced measure.

One of the things I’d just illustrate; have you ever heard a sermon on the Song of Solomon? It’s unlikely that you’ll hear one soon. One of the reasons is that the church is very weary of teaching it and who you’re teaching it to. We’ve seen that for the Songs of Solomon, it was read to people over 30 years. But if that means that we need to preach the book and teachings to those who are married, just do so. Be silent about good sex in circles where there are unmarried and married people, but where you know you’ve created circles of married people then do it. Don’t hold yourself back or press mute on something that’s very important for the marital experience.

One of the reasons which Paul is saying do not hold back from one another is because he was speaking to a  group of Corinthians to whom a false teaching had come that sex is wrong. In fact, that all physical/fleshly things are wrong This was a Greek Hellenistic idea that was either Epicureanism and Stoicism , I have a feeling that it’s the former, that was saying that the flesh is wrong. Everything that happened in the flesh; food, sex or materiality is wrong. And everything that is spirit is good. So basically, the duality of things. And now this had come into the church. Guys were now teaching that the spirit is good and your body is sinful. So don’t engage the body. Don’t engage in sex. Don’t engage in food.

Paul was saying that that wasn’t right. Sex is good and when you’re married, do it.  Don’t withhold from one another. And even if you do, just for a time. So that the devil, as he’s in play, doesn’t gain a foothold and doesn’t overcome you; out of your lack of self-control. Because he knows we are sinful. Paul knew that we are sinful. Paul knew that we have desires. And for Christians we know that we generally do have desires. But what do we do with those desires? That is the question.

The question is not whether I am a sexual being. Not whether I feel like expressing myself sexually. Not whether I have a right to express myself sexually. By all means, you have a right. But the question is: what will you do? What will you do with that sexual expression?

We need to teach the joy and blessings of sex where appropriate. Be balanced. Don’t just say negative… negative… negative.. and make it look like the Bible condemns sex. Sex was created by God for glory to Christ. So it’s a gift to us but it also glorifies Him.

The thing for any person who’s not preaching, I’d say, be aware of your sexual feelings. If you’ve been trying to repress them by thinking that they are evil, I’d just like to say that you have not been doing the right thing. It is good to repress them at the moment if you’re unmarried, but not because they are bad. Just because they’re not yet. And you can look forward.

Should you read Songs of Solomon?  I dunno whether I have great advice for that :D…well, you can read it for looking forward to what is to come. Just don’t do it. Begin to be thankful for God about sex.

One of the things we can say in terms of changing our attitude toward human sexuality as Christians is to first of all, give thanks to God for it as something that has come from Him. Once you begin to see that “God you are the one who has given me these desires” then you can say thank you and tell him “I will enjoy sex when it is your blessing/idea/time for me to do so.” And then sex will not only just be pleasure-ful, but also purposeful. And I think when sex is both, then it is highly fulfilling for us as Christians.

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Here’s a video of a sermon I found by Jackie Hill Perry. It has solid Biblical truths that really gave me more insight concerning this topic. 🙂

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I’m overwhelmed by all the edifying that this series has done, to myself and to you as well. I am sure God has so much more in store! So ask more questions. Keep seeking. My guest writers and I only covered a drop in the ocean on matters identity and I know God will continue to reveal more to us.

I’d appreciate comments , questions, suggestions, testimonies …literally anything in the comment section. 🙂

Thanks to all who made this series possible. God surely did provide the resources for His word to go forth and we were just a conduit! 🙂 Be on the look out for more great stuff right here! If you haven’t followed the blog yet, I suggest you do lest you miss out 😉

Much love.

Soli deo gloria!