Audio reading of the blogpost for those who prefer listening in than reading.

 

Men are emotional.

This past week, this statement has been ringing in my mind, following a series of events and conversations that reminded me that indeed, men are emotional beings. I don’t know why it always comes as a surprise to me though. Perhaps the cultural association that emotions are for the ‘weak’.

Well, I should have known by now that behind the beards, chiseled faces and muscular frames, lie hearts of flesh. Hearts that feel.  Besides, isn’t it human to feel? Perhaps years of conditioning men not to show their emotions has made us have a false notion that they HAVE no emotions. Therein lies the problem.

I have seen the detrimental effects of denying this truth and teaching men to suppress their emotions and “kukaa ngumu”, that is, to stay strong. Those stories need no retelling. So today, I choose to share a a short story of an encounter I had with two men that reiterated the fact to me; men are emotional.

The tale of the first man;

“We will first see this patient before having our discussion on club foot,” said Martin*(name changed for confidentiality) our teacher for the day. The club foot clinic that happens every Thursday at KNH attracts patients from far and wide, seeking help for this foot deformity associated with a lot of stigma. As the parents walked in, holding a swaddled baby, I noticed that the father was the one carrying the baby.

Hmmm…Interesting.

Martin gave us a brief of the patient’s history and progress so far. The baby was 2 weeks old and was going to have the first of the serial casts needed to correct the bilateral club foot fitted that day at the clinic. Once Martin set-up the Plaster of Paris, water and the other necessary materials, he beckoned to the father to have a seat as he fit the casts on the baby’s feet, which would be changed after 1 week.

“Aaaw! Look. The father is the one carrying the baby,” whispered my friend who was seated next to me.

“I know right!” Trust me when I tell you that it was a sight to behold. Rare it is to see a father accompany the mother to bring the child to hospital, more so to see the father carrying the baby! Wow!

The tale of the second man;

Once the casts were moulded properly, Martin directed the couple to the waiting lounge to let the plaster dry up and receive further instructions. He then went on to give us a short tutorial on club foot; the pathophysiology, treatment protocol and holistic management. During the teaching, he kept repeating the statement ‘club foot treatment needs to carried out in a kind and sensitive manner.’

Kind and sensitive manner. Kind and sensitive manner.

I’m not sure why this stood out to me, but a public acknowledgement of sensitivity by a man was definitely worth noting.

Lest I belabour the point, Martin sealed the deal by picking up a phone call from his father during the tutorial. As he excused himself and walked out to have the conversation, we overheard him greet his father and say “Hello dad. I miss you!”

Tire screeching sounds*

Hold up! What did I just hear?

Did I just hear a man say I miss you, to his father?

My friend and I looked at each other and you could tell in our eyes that we were stunned. I joked that we were probably in our feels that day to have noticed all these things happening, but she confirmed that it definitely stood out, because of the rarity of such things in our day to day.

“It’s the emotions for me!”

A tale of two men. I had to keep record of this encounter at this club foot clinic here on my blog, and perhaps use it as a starting point for a conversation on emotions among men. I’m curious, have you been at a place where seeing a man show emotions genuinely shocked/amazed you? Please do share your stories in the comments section. Let’s keep this conversation going.

Soli deo gloria!